Jennifer Kunst, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst, working with adults and couples in her private practice in Pasadena, CA. Understanding what emotional intelligence looks like and the steps needed to improve it could light a path to a more emotionally adept world. You can strategize, organize, and hack all you want, but at some point, you will run into something you can’t do or control. When you do, the only thing to do is to radically accept.

Self-care is vital if you want to control your emotions and actions. One mistake that we make is to think not feeling anything is good. There is a difference between being numb and being emotionless.

You’re reminded of your core being, values, and beliefs, which you don’t want to compromise for anyone. By letting your focus be on your body features, you’ll feel present while your recent conflict fades away. Do you need to try to stop a serious wound from bleeding profusely? Never mind what you’re feeling about the situation, as that really doesn’t matter right now.

  1. Once those waves have passed, everything will be considerably calmer.
  2. Feelings are the gas in the engine of our personalities.
  3. This is why it’s so important to keep your facial expression as neutral as possible.
  4. When you modulate your voice to be measured and articulate, you strengthen whatever it is you’re saying.

Whether we use projection, repression, suppression, or just plain denial, attempting to turn off our feelings is a strategy that eventually backfires. The one who quells anger is the one who later explodes. The one who denies sexual feelings winds up acting out in the shadows. The one who shuns love becomes tormented by what is missing.

Even these professionals keep a working time and they don’t take their clients’ problems home with them. If you’re a good listener or natural counselor, do your best but also tend to yourself. Yes, you’re putting up a façade, but it is for your protection and maybe theirs. For instance, if you discover that your partner there is no reason to sell what will happen to bitcoin and ethereum is cheating, you might be tempted to bathe them in acid. However, making yourself emotionless will save you from jail time and self-loathing. When experiencing a panic attack, physicians and first responders advise that you take long deep breaths through your nose, then let them out slowly through your mouth.

One of the ways to do this is by avoiding triggers that might lead to more conflicts. Apart from doing a quick breathing exercise, you can engage in a short intensity workout to release tension. Try some easy yoga poses or advanced ones, depending on your level of expertise. A quick sprint down and up your stairs or street would help too. The new generation culture of speaking your mind at all costs has its place.

You may also see a therapist who can walk you through the different ways to stop emotional outbursts. Avoidance tactics differ from intentional distractions. Relying on alcohol and hard drugs will only give you an illusion that the problem has gone away. The moment the haze clears, your emotion goes haywire again.

Bring your attention back to your body.

It is very easy to turn to recreational drugs, but they can become addictive easily. Practice time management so you’re not overwhelmed by tasks, leading to poor handling of situations. Practice financial management by sorting your bills on time and not spending above budget. More often than not, we don’t mean the things we say or do, but we regret them after they are done. Moreover, you can tear up the journal if you regret your words. Except if you are a therapist, pastor, or counselor, your job is not to attend to other people’s problems to the detriment of your well-being.

How to Be Emotionless

When disagreements happen within valuable relationships, immediate reactions usually cause ripple effects. However, when you direct your negative feelings to your journal, you can maim, slap, beat or do much harm to your contact of conflict without physical contact. As such, denying your feelings will only cause your mind coinbase cryptocurrency traders continue to face frozen funds for weeks to shove back until you react negatively. Accept that it is good to feel because only someone with feelings can control their emotions. Emotions indicate how you feel, thereby allowing you to process your thoughts before you react. However, the ability to control your emotions will save you from making certain mistakes.

It could be painting, baking, repairing things, or even mental calculations. This exercise will put your mind at rest, albeit temporarily until your child’s next drive. Another way to show your emotionless self in a needed situation is by redirecting your feelings.

Allow yourself to feel again once you’re in a safer place to do so.

It is not flowery or romantic and neither is it terrible. Your emotions will fade away when nothing is a big deal or has meaning to you. Convince yourself that there is no need to show emotions. Too many people try to muddle through and do their best to overcome issues that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, therapy is 100% the best way forward. While you may try to work through this yourself, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can address.

I’m not telling you to go all Marie Kondo on your office. Stack loose papers, put caps on rogue pens, wipe away dust or grime. The resulting order will help you feel like you’ve accomplished something and allow you to focus on the task at hand, not the clutter. Pretending red hammer candle you don’t have these demons will only torment you further. You’d be surprised at the productive things your confrontation will yield. It is one thing to immediately walk away from an ongoing situation, it is another thing to avoid making the situation repeat itself.

Confront your emotions

If your trigger is a place, find another location and ensure your acquaintances don’t invite you to such places. When people bring out the worst in you, they take a piece of you with them. Becoming emotionless can only be achieved by staying away from such persons. When your heart is pumping for a different reason, you will attain an emotionless state for that moment.

You can combine this with the breathing exercise above to bring your attention back to the present moment and get your feelings under control. If you need to interact with and speak to other people while you’re trying to control your breathing, simply bring your attention back to your breath when you can. Try to breathe all the way into your belly as you do so, rather than simply expanding your lungs. This will bring in more oxygen and will also keep your breath from speeding up between interactions. When emotions are running high, people tend to take rapid, shallow breaths (hence hyperventilation).

The tips mentioned below may help you to go into “emotionless” mode when you need to. Try them out in different combinations to see what works best for you, and don’t hesitate to adapt them to your individual needs. Consider them guidelines or recipes, but alter the ingredients to best suit you. In reality, remaining emotionless can be both devastating and damaging on a long-term basis.

If you choose to go this route, select an item that’s appealing to you on several levels. Let it be visually appealing so you’re content to carry it with you regularly, and ensure that it has tactile appeal to you as well. You’ll be spending quite a bit of time touching or holding it, so being pleasant-feeling is key. In contrast, deep, slow breathing increases oxygen intake and brings a sense of calm and peace. If you can, practice them in a controlled environment so you have the techniques sorted for when you need them.

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